Wednesday, March 15, 2006

 

Sofa Bed - Senseless Victim of Apartment Downsizing

CUPERTINO (AP) - From the heart of Silicon Valley today, word comes that a two year old, pet free, beautiful and comfortable pull-out couch/bed was slated for termination as economic forces are compelling its owners to move their headquarters from a 2BR apartment to a small 1BR.

When contacted for comment, a spokesperson for the couch's owners offered this prepared statement:

"The economy has not cooperated nor rebounded as quickly as we had hoped. Therefore, effective February 1, we will be moving our headquarters from a sprawling and luxurious two bedroom estate in Cupertino to a 1BR hovel in San Mateo. As such, we unfortunately announce, that we will not have sufficient space or resources to maintain our current furnishing levels, and will be forced to make some cuts. The primary target of these reductions will be our blue sofa-bed."

The spokesman added:

"This couch has served us well for these past couple of years. Though it has not been a seat for any heads of state, or household name tech leaders, it has loyally offered itself on nights of watching rented videos and the nightly news in our den. Its inviting cushions, and navy blue fabric with a stately gold trim will always be burned on our minds as hallmarks of comfort and relaxation. Plus, its capacity for transforming into a bed on extremely limited advance notice has set a very high bar for the adaptability and utility of future furnishings."

The spokesperson continued:

"While it is our stated policy never to divulge the criteria we use to determine which furniture will be selected for termination, let me just say, that today's decision was in no way performance based. We are losing good furniture today. Make no mistake about that."

When contacted for comment, the couch had this to say:

"Though I am sad to be leaving my employer, I understand their decision. I also believe they are treating me fairly. Though, I arguably could be valued at $100 or $200 in today's marketplace, they are offering me, cushions and all, at a drastically reduced price. We have spoken since the announcement, and they assure me that their first concern is making sure I find gainful employment again soon."

To that end, we have learned, the couch's owners are offering this item for the incredibly low (and extremely negotiable) "transition" payment of $20 to any worthy purchaser who will come to Cupertino and pick it up between now and next Tuesday.

Comments:
Hi I´m Chriswab. Greatings from Germany,Bottrop !!
 
not too bad :)
 
Very funny. I hope your sofa bed and car find new homes.

Alas, I am in Chicago.

Ao this is just a quick shout out to you!

Keep on blogging. Perhaps while you are waiting you will enjoy my attempts at blogging humor.

Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary


Here is a link to my incredibly long post of Irish Jokes
The Peter Files Blog's Irish Jokes Post
 
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