Jokes and Humor Online

I really hate this whore that my brother married. I can not describe to you what a selfish-self centered cunt she is. At 35, this little sawed off dwarf (I dont mean to offend the short or those who have dwarfism - BUT I HATE THIS CUNT)- who is a nurse, by the way, ACCIDENTALLY GOT PREGNANT. You do not get accidentally pregnant, at 35, with at least a pretty reasonable grasp on medical concepts. This was such a total ploy, so ridiclously transparent that I want to smack her.

Oh it is not just me that thinks she is a dog-dick sucking whore. My Brother, who will be refered to as IDIOT-BOY, hereafter, when he decided to get married, asked his best friend of 36 years to be his best man, Buck bowwed out and said I want no partof this unholy union. While the vows were being said, my mother wheeled our father out of the church (He was confined to a wheelchair) while they were exchanging vows. My sister and I wore black. This CUNT-DWARFs brother yelled at my friend at the reception - show us your tits, show us your tits. Her whole family is comprised of short, ugly (and I am no prize-winner so I feel I am a good judge of ugly) creatins - with a poor grasp of the english language.

When my mother found out that she was pregant she looked at my brother and said "i can not believe you mixed my genes with hers".

Needless to say I was then STUCK in this blackout with this whore at my house. They had just flown in from Denver. I had to listen to this Stuck-up little bitch ALL NIGHT.

It's so hot - I can't believe how hot NY is (Okay Denver is in 3rd year of drought. It is also in the 90's there. Plus this frickin cunt lived in NY for 20 years.)

These chairs are leather, its too hot to sit on these chairs - I'll stick to them (You little sawed off Smurf - you should consider yourself lucky you didn't get lost between 2 cushions)(You should consider yourself lucky I don't own a gun)

I can't believe the METs aren't playing, I flew all the way out here to see the METS play the Rockies, I don't understand why they aren't playing (Gee 50 MILLION OTHER PEOPLE are inconvienced too - you cheap self centered cunt - By the way that dress you got married in made you look like a fireplug - if you are that short try something with a little shape - EVERYONE thought it was HIDEOUS - you pig)

Why don't you have any diet Root Beer in the house? (Because I don't like, the stores are closed and I can't get any)

Why dont I have any beer in the house? (I don't drink very much)

When my neighbor offered up - pineapple juice (yeah, sorry, canned), fresh squeezed lime, and rum, topped off with mint from my garden - did he get a thank you - no He got "Don't you know how to make a Mohito - and This is warm, Why don't you have any ice." he wondered off mumbling under his breath 'what a bitch, I thought you were making this up.' Sorry Sean, I wasn't lying.

Finally I would like to add how she almost killed me. She was born out of the country, but moved here when she was 2, lived here for 34 years, and went to school in the united states, so she has no excuses for this.

I try to avoid conversation with her - but she approached me on this.
"what are you reading" - I was reading a book for a review of American literature. I said
"oh you wouldn't understand it, its CATCHER IN THE RYE." trying to brush off the conversation. She then said
"oh, its about BASEBALL. I love baseball."
I could feel my blood pressure start to spike, there was ahigh pitched buzz in my left ear. My eye was twitching. I said,
"no - its about alienation."
"Oh, ALIEN NATION, wasn't that a tv series."
at this point the blood was leaking from ear. I had to lie down on the bathroom floor, on the cold tiles, until I could breath easily again. I kept clicking my heels together saying 'theres no place like home, theres no place like home.'

Thank GOD, that thanksgiving only comes once a year. I am already planning on being sick the day before.

I HATE this woman, and I have a hard time dealing with my brother for inflicting this scourge on the family. We all hate her.

If you are a very good looking man, tall, white, (she is Fillapino, but I have only heard of her only dating white men), and can pretend that you have money, or are rich, or a doctor, or a lawyer - my sister and i will pay you $1000 to hit on and seduce this dog-faced cunt (have a strong stomach, I mean it, some asian women are really beautiful --- this one IS NOT) - shes got a kicked in face like a rat-terrier -- we will give you a $1000 dollars to sleep with her get caught and bust up this marriage. My other sister approves of this plan but has no money to kick in, she is very broke, but says if you need baby sitting shes available. My mother says if we can pull it off -- more power to us.

Thank You for listening - Anyone else have in-laws they hate as much - maybe we can get a pool going and hire someone to take care of everything.

Love to all