Thursday, March 30, 2006

 

I lied in all my previous postings....

OK, I admit it, I lied. In previous postings, I described myself as slender, attractive, independent, well-read, well-traveled, with great humor....but you saw right through me. Most of my replies were from shirtless, hairy biker dudes with a paunch the size of Gibraltar, whiny little boys begging me to be their Sugar Mama, foreign men hoping for a marriage ticket into the U.S., or guys so illiterate they couldn't spell "trichloroethylene" if their lives depended on it. The rest of you just had big equipment you wanted to show or tell me about.

So no more lies, this is the real me....I'm an agoraphobic. I haven't been out of my double-wide trailer in 14 years. I have 15, count 'em, FIFTEEN cats. I have perfected the art of talking to animals with a brain the size of a walnut in baby talk. I'm convinced they understand what I'm saying if I speak in a high sing-song voice. I'm sure you'd enjoy it if I talked to you this way as well. If you should decide you'd like to come over and visit, I'll run the vacuum on "your" chair. Promise.

My many interests include: The home-shopping network, building mazes out of newspaper stacks, playing "find the dead thing" in the back bedroom, creating mixed media art pieces out of found objects, and talking with my friends. Most of my friends call at around 6:00 p.m. and work for ATT or MCI but we don't talk for more than an hour so I'll have plenty of time for you.

I'm pretty desperate so I'll take about anything. You don't have to be 40ish, sophisticated, good-looking, single, sane, secure, well-read, well-traveled or anything like that. Anyone will do, really. And if it doesn't work out, you don't have to worry about me stalking you or anything. I don't get out much.

Comments:
Well, I guess there's no point in introducing me as a bald, Mississippi goat herder who lives in a plywood shack by a nondescript river, subsists on week old cheese sandwiches and talks to frogs. Also thinks a tete a tete is something you give two girls a dollar for in some bar.

We'd have nothing in common.
 
Great Blog!!! It's nice to see you found another use for blogs. If you would like to check out mine go to http://freemarcon.blogspot.com/ I would love to get your comments . . .
 
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if, among your newspaper maze, you see the issue of the The Weekly News containing the article about bipolar weasel syndrome spreading to humans, let me know. my bipolar weasels stole that issue out of my collection.
 
So... you haven't left your trailer in 14 years?

Not even to go to the store? Where do you live?

I look at a lot of Oregon properties and wonder if some agoraphobes live behind those walls...
 
Wonderful Blog!!
I'll be back.
R
 
I am sure you have discovered as I have, that the best newspaper magazines mazes are at least 4 feet 7 inches tall.

Hilarious, thanks.
 
LOL, I love your blog not bad for a cat lovin trailer babe. keep up the great work, I will be sure to return often.

http://www.nubbit.com
 
You are my kind of woman.

What are you doing after the blog? Come on over to my place and I'll let you sit on Jerry Garcia's toilet (just delivered today). I'll make your wildest dreams come true.

see you on the veranda!

Richard Quick, Esq.
My place: Get Rich Quick!
http:richardquick.blogspot.com
 
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