Jokes and Humor Online

Imagine for a second if you will......... you are driving down the road and all the ladies keep looking at you coquettishly. Is it your new hair plugs? Your new gold medallion you got last time you went to Tijuana? No, it's your car, the very car you bought because of this ad. It's a classic car boys and let's face it, you need all the help you can get; you aren't getting any younger. Prove your masculinity and fix this baby up, it wont take much effort but you can make it sound like you did a lot of work.

This blue 1990 Honda Prelude 2.0 Si is in excellent shape and condition and it must go. I am a lazy git, otherwise I would take care of the minor problems myself.

$1,200 and it's yours.

This car boasts

- power windows
- power steering
- cruise control (FREE dime to hold down the button)
- manual transmission (a stick shift)
- a full tank
(that's right, comes with it's own gas!! act now before my shady neighbours siphon it off)
- clean seats and floors (after you vacuum them)
- moon roof (with a button to work it with)
- five working seatbelts
- ash tray
- coin compartment
- tow thingie (which might be called a trailer hitch without the ball thing on it)
- steering wheel
- AM/FM radio with tape player
- tires (with air)
- possible movie fame*
- over 300,000 miles**

This car has never been

- smoked in
- sold
- stolen
- successfully broken into
- flooded
- abducted by aliens
- out of the USA
- cloned
- bugged by the feds
- used to break the front window of a shop so my mates can run in and grab all the candy bars
- kindling
- a prop in a porno
- used to tow an ATM machine
- possessed by satan
- sued
- used to cruise for hookers
- blessed by the pope
- a clown car
- photographed for a magazine with a hot chick's ass resting on it
- abducted by aliens
- involved in an accident (unless you count the time an elementary school teacher backed into it and caused a small dent -- I was too lazy to get it fixed)
- lit on fire
- intoxicated
- a flotation device
- a feline mating ground
- bungee jumping
- used as a rectal thermometer
- in a monster truck rally or demolition derby
- involved in a robbery, drive by shooting or pyramid scheme
- chatted up
- used to traffic drugs or illegal immigrants
- a substitute for a clothes dryer
- a murder weapon
- affiliated with the Russian Mafia
- flogged

This car has never had

- a creepy dead body in it.
- a jealous ex-girlfriend clinging to the top of it screaming desperately "don't leave me" as I drove away
- inoculations
- expired tags

wow! such a great car..... but what's wrong with it?

- needs a new timing belt to replace the broken one this means you will have to bring a tow truck or levitation device to take the car home with you
- the cable that makes the speedometer work need to be replaced
- the A/C doesn't seem to work
- hardly noticeable pen marks, possibly removable (think of this as 'local art')

This car has never had Microsoft's hands in the design, build, or maintenance. This car is Linux friendly. (but must be properly cleansed due to having been driven thrice by a Microsoft programmer

Just cos I like your pants I'm throwing in a set of chains (that really fit!). Now, when you go...... well, where ever you find snow, you'll be ready.

Email me for any further information, but please do not email asking if I'm serious I AM. Please do not email me with questions which can be answered by simply reading the above. If this ad is still here, the car is still available.

Live the good life, buy my car.

* possible movie fame = they filmed aerial shots for the movie 'Rat Race' in my aunt's neighbourhood in Southern California and my car was parked in the driveway at the time. Yes, I'll autograph it at no extra charge.

** has had the engine replaced once but I don't know when