Tuesday, April 11, 2006

 

I'll Fire You

So, you jauntily march into the office at 8:55 AM, ready for another hot, steamy day at work. You're dressed casual, with tight black jeans and a shiny blue button-down. You say the prefunctory "'Morning" to your cube-mates, who begin to drool as usual since you are so foxy. You think to yourself that it's an interesting coincidence that so many managers have taken alot of vacations in the past few weeks. Like every day, you check Fucked Company for your news of the day, since it get's you hot and ready for work action. You think to yourself, "I wish my manager would fire my ass, but he's such a wimp, he'd never do it. Too bad, since he'd be cute if he was more dynamic and forceful. Ugh, why am I so attracted to people who fire me? It never lasts!"

10:00 AM rolls around. Just back from another do-nothing, go-nowhere meeting, you sit at your cube and check FC once more. "Hello! What's this? _MY_ compnay is laying off 75% of it's staff?!? Oh, I'm so hot now! Maybe Jack will fire me, oh, I'm so horny now!" A few minutes later, Jack pokes his head out of his office and asks sheepishly that you come in. You can hardly stand it, you want him so bad! He's really gonna do it! You can feel it!

"Well, I have some bad news for you. The company is laying off 75% of the staff, and my department is being completely eliminated."

"I see."

"Please pack up your personal things into this box, and please sign these papers"

You look at the papers. "Hey, wait, these say I'm being layed off. I want to be fired."

"Huh. Well, no, we are laying you off."

"Are you that much of a wimp that you can't fire a woman when she's asking for it?"

"Well, I..."

"Get some balls! I WANT YOU TO FIRE ME RIGHT NOW!"

"I just...."

"NOW!" You rush over to him, and pull him out of his chair by his shirt collar. "Do you UNDERSTAND? Fire me NOW!"

"OK, YOU'RE FIRED!"

"Oh, YES! More!"

"You're the worst employee ever! You're FIRED! You're FIRED! FIRED!"

The lovemaking lasts for two hours, with the passion getting hotter with each new form to fill out and sign. You've never been fired like this before, not with this much pent-up passion and urgency. You feel like you're being fired everywhere, all at once. After the heat is passed, you go home, satisfied. You pass out, exhasted from the furious firing session from earlier. You wake up the next morning, jobless, yet ready to call for Unemployment with a resolve that you hadn't had before. It's an addiction, but an addiction that you have no intention of kicking. You can't wait until you are fired again.

Comments:
Amusing, not sure I get it but amusing!
 
Was she wearing a Pink Slip? !!
 
u are 1 hilarious lady! i particularly (isn't that a hard word to say real fast... why the hell would word inventors make such a hard word to say? what bastards! DAMMIT!) liked the resume "using various tracking programs to fail to track your progress". this is great shit! thanks for making my day.
 
: )
 
:)
 
me either
 
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