Jokes and Humor Online

You were the sexy blonde woman at the Marina Safeway last night at about 6:30. Well, I guess technically you entered the store at 6:27 and left at 6:48 (I like detective shows). I was the guy in the poultry section who kept lifting the frozen chickens out of the freezer, holding them above my head, screaming ?be free? and then dropping them on the ground. A few weeks ago, I saw a story on Dateline about a boy who had fallen through the ice and been declared dead when his nearly frozen body was pulled from the lake, only to be resuscitated minutes later. You can see where this is going; we know the chickens are frozen, but are they really dead? My role here may seem purely humanitarian, but it?s also practical. Who wants to buy a chicken, take it home and then realize they suddenly have a new pet? Anyway, I could tell by the way you were looking at me that you liked the cut of my jib. If you remember, I asked you your name and you said "I. Carrie Mace." Cool name. Kind of like the architect, I.M. Pei, I guess. But you left so suddenly, I couldn?t get your number. Coffee?

Space Alien looking for human male subject for scientific experimenation - maybe more. I'm looking for a man who wants more than capture, probe, mind wipe and release.

I'm 9' tall, grey skin, gills, long smooth tentacles with lots of suckers, cold slimy skin and green eyes. Most men find me attractive! I'm easy going and have a great sense of humor. If you mind meld with me you'll know that. I haven't been in a serious relationship in over 100,000 years - but I think I'm ready again.

I like to spend a romantic evening soaking in a nice big tub of warm brine and have someone to mind meld with and rub my tentacles - touching - feeling - especially the 9th tenacle - if you know what I mean. --- hmmmmmm --- ;;-))