Friday, February 10, 2006

 

ALIEN CRAFT FOUND, ...NEED HELP...THIS IS NOT A JOKE

A week ago I found a large oval shaped capsule about 5 feet by 2 feet in the field behind my house, while looking for a golf ball I had hit in the brush. It was warm to the touch and was in a six foot deep hole in the ground almost as if it had slammed into the earth. I waited until the sun went down that same day, and tied rope around the capsule and then tied the other end to the winch on the front of my truck and tried to pull it out. It kept on slipping off the capsule because the capsule was perfectly smooth except for a few notches in the side. I tried for about 3 hours before giving up and then frustrated, tired, and covered in dirt I hid the capsule as best I could and went home. The next evening I went to Orchard Supply and bought about 20 feet of chain and fashioned it into a "chain net". Again, I went out to the field about 3 hours after the sun had set and hooked up my chain net to the winch of my truck. This time I dug around enough of the capsule to get a better hold of it, and ran the net through the notches to hold it. I revved the engine and hit the winch.

The capsule didn’t even budge. This surprised me as I have a 1996 Ford with a V8 engine and 24 AMP winch. Then all of a sudden the chain snapped! I reattatched the chain where it had broken and tried again. I drove my truck around a large tree and anchored it against it. I hit the power to the winch and about 5 seconds later I hear a huge grinding noise, and my winch tears itself off my front bumper!! I At this point I am extremely pissed off and very tired. Chain is not cheap, and losing my $1500.00 winch, I am even more determined to get this sucker out of the ground, and that meant I had to try something else. I went home and thought about what I could do to bring the capsule out of the ground. I know I needed to act fast becase I didnt want anyone to find it. I had already seen a neighbor peering out behind his fence wondering what I was doing out there 1 in the morning. The next day, I called in sick from work and went back to Orchard and got the heaviest gauge of steel chain they had . I also bought double the length this time so I could double the density of my "net". I went home, and about 5 hours later I had a net that I was happy with. The chain and heavy duty hooks had cost me about $550 and my checking account balance had reached 25 bucks. Because I didnt have a winch anymore, I decided to attatch the end of the chain to my rear bumper. I tripled the amount of chain between the truck and the capsule, so there was no way it could snap again, however my bumper getting pulled off was a good possibility. I revved up my engine and dropped the transmission into first gear, and floored it. I think I felt the capsule starting to come out, but in reality what was reallly happening was that my bumper had pulled itself off!

Ok this was the final straw. I was broke, pissed, and my truck was missing its winch and rear bummper! I called one of my closest and best friends to come and see if he could help me. Before this point I had told no one about my discovery. He came over at 3am and we took flashlights and went over to the hole. The first thing he said was "holy shit", this is either a bomb that some plane had accidenlty dropped, or an alien spacecraft. We both didnt believe it was a bomb because it was too heavy. It had to have been over 5000 pounds to break the chain I had used to get it out. My friend who is a doctor, suddenly got an idea. He ran out to his car and grabbed his stethescope. He placed it against the capsule and I heard him whisper, "oh my god,". I grabbed it from him and listened for myself. I heard little clicking and popping noises coming from within the capsule. We both couldnt believe that this thing had something going on inside of it. We went to my shed to get some tools and started to dig it out. We wanted to find out exactly how big it was. Becasue I live on a hill and its pretty dark and bushy where the capsule was, we could assume that we wouldnt get bothered by anyone after 1 am. we dug for about 4 hours, and just as the sun started to come out, we had figured how large the capsule was, 5 ft, by 2 ft. We then covered the hole with as much brush we could find and no one would be able to tell it was there unless they were looking for it. The next night my friend and I rented a huge 4x4 with dual rear tires, with a v12 and a maximum of something like a ½ ton towing capacity. This was the meanest, strongest vehicle we could find, at a hefty price of $350.00 per day from a guy who told us he we would have to pay him his insurance deductible and pay him an additional $2000.00 if we damaged the truck . We took the truck along with 50 feet more of chain, along with my truck and drove them into position to pull the capsule out. Ok, we fixed up the chains to the trucks and started to pull. THE FUCKIN THING DID NOT BUDGE ONE INCH! Then I had a brainstorm. Why not use the tree above the capsule in a pulley system? So we decided to do this and looped the extra chain over a thick branch and hooked it down to the chain net that held the capsule. Again we started the trucks and floored both. They just spun their tires . Oh did I mention that my bumper didnt pull off this time? It did bend the hell out of it though. Ok so we have found out that this thing weighs well more than 10,000 pounds. It's surface can be scratched but we cannot cause any type of DEEP scratch. Even when we tried to use a diamond tipped drill bit with a high speed drill, all we could do was scratch the surface. It is non magnetic. It will not stick to a magnet. The sounds coming from inside the capsule have changed. No more pops and clicks. Now it sounds like something is revolving inside of it and making a scraping noise. (Both our trucks combined couldn’t pull the capsule out of the hole, using a total of god only knows how much horsepower.)

At this point we are at a crossroads. We have gone to an structural engineer asking if its possible for a 5 by 2 oval space to weigh that much. He said even artificially created super dense nickel steel coudlnt weigh that much in that amount of space. It just wasnt physically possible. His associate who was also present said the same thing. We both left feeling rather confused about where to go next. And this is where we are today. We cant pull the damm thing out of the ground. We are thinking about renting a diesel semi to pull it out with. We dont want to lose this discovery to the government. If you know a way that we can get this damm thing out of the ground and transport it , please let us know. Of course I cannot tell you the location of the capsule or where I live for obvious reasons. I live somewhere North in Nevada, and that is about all I can reveal. If you know where I can get access to any heavy lifting equipment please email me. I need to lift about 15,000 pounds and upward. There is solid ground near the capsule and some concrete. I need to keep this thing as discreet as possbile. A semi is going to raise a lot of suspicion and we dont want cops and neighbors going over to look at what we are doing. If you are an engineer or scientist, please lead me with a way to pull this damm thing out of the ground. You will be commenting on this blog entry. Serious people only please. I didn’t just spend the last hour typing this for kicks. This isnt a damm joke, or a prank, or some made up story. This is for real, and I need help for real.

Comments:
best of luck...
 
a little DY-NO-MITE will help break it into more managable pieces.
 
where are the pictures?!
 
get yourself a big forklift.
 
First of all, how much space do you have to deal with. This problem is a classic physics problem. If it is the weight you say, then it is pulled down by that force. In order to get it out, you must pull it out with a force greater than the weight. Or if it is at an incline, you use mg sin feta. mg=the weight=1500. At an angle of say 45, now plug it insto a calculator 1500 sin 45=a force of 1060. In order to pull this out, I recomend a catapult like structure being put under it. This makes it easier to apply more force. Get a very strong yight rope, hook it up and drop something heavier than 1500 pounds on it. This is the same as 10 people waeighing 150 pounds to give a realife estimate. A more logical solution is a few anvils or something. It must have a denser structure than a person. The anvils wieght needs to be a tny bit more than 1500 lbs. If it is a lot more, then the structure could be catapulted across the street destroying your neighbors house. I would recomend a heavy blockade about ten feet from the holl, giveing space for the 5 foot long struccture to be put on level ground. With friction invloved, the forces must be a bit more. Depending on the material you are pulling on. If you ice up the surface around it, this can minimise friction. Just be careful not to slip and break every bone in your body. It would help if you dragged it into a very slight ditch. Just so it can be trapped and not slide back down. Have the incline no more than 5 degrees. If it is too much, then it will get stuck again.

Its a lot of physics, but this is what its for.
 
Actually, explosives might work. It's scientifically proved that they are the most effective way to deal with such issues.
If you can't get some high explosives, you may try a shovel. But it gonna be a extreme job.
 
Ok, 1- The name of your blog keeps me from believing your story, which brings me to 2- you should consider a carreer writing scripts for the sci-fi channel and 3- where are the pictures to prove it
 
I might have a photo of this for your the doubters...would you like one?
 
Mabye it's a giant robot egg. Or a giant robot turd? Does it smell like an egg or a turd? Have you spotted any giant robots squatting in the area where you foung your egg/turd? "Cause if so it could be a giant robot egg or giant robot turd. Both seem like they would be pretty heavy. Keep your eyes peeled for any giant robots or any sighns that there might be giant robots around. Mabye you should sit on it to keep it warm and mabye it will hatch and a giant robot larva fill come slithering out calling you "mama" in a little baby robotty voice. Unless it's just a turd.
 
At last she was equipped with gaping raiders that were steadfast upon her quarry. Behold thy whisked talon of workmanship upon the rails of freedom in which she began to cry. What must be told of lone fighting stances is that yield treason of the monarch and lonesome breast. Cometh thy sword of theater as the wind of thinking prevails upon the light of greatness. Fight he said, and when the bellows became clitoris she was dwelling in flatulence. And the story ends here for now.......
 
If you really can't get it out, do take lots of photos of it, have a video on how difficult it is to pull it. At least you have some memories for all the efforts...
 
Can you dig underneath it? Maybe it's not a capsule at all. Maybe it's a capped pipe from an underground structure. You may have only hit the "tip of the iceberg".
 
So where does the story end?
 
You might want to wave a geiger counter over that before you spend any more time messing with it.
 
heh! if it exists, why did she just forget about it in her latter posts? Move along people... nothing to see here.
 
What you have here are 15 unhelpful comments. You needn't do anything but wait. Before long, Superman (in infant form) will emerge from the capsule and help you hide it the old abandoned silver mine outside of town.

Actually, the explosives advice sounds kinda fun...
 
Find a small girl child around 5 years of age.

Dig hole under one end.

Have child put index finger on that end and push up.

Voila.
 
this has to be the weirdest load or crap I have ever read, maybe you should get some help...

~jodi-layne~

my e-mail...
jodi_roady_pizza@hotmail.com
 
if its an actual spacecraft - there should be a treddle switch under the left flayrod, which will activate the anti-gravity device. - good luck with it.
 
I am not sure if this is a joke or what, but its funny either way. I do have an idea on how to get it out. HUGE TOW TRUCK. Then they can set it right in your garage. It will cost you a little, but the fact that it can be in and out in just a few minutes would be worth it! If they can tow a semi, then I'm sure it can lift whatever you have.
 
How about soaking it and the ground around it with oil and sliding it out?
 
Easter's coming. Paint it. Your kids & their friends will have that thing moved faster than you can lay your hands on anymore of that acid you've been taking. You sure you don't live next to an airport. Could be an aeroplane, you know... You don't live alongside Big Bird do ya?
 
Home Depot... you can Do it, they Can Help
 
You mentioned that the capsul is on an incline. Try digging at the ground facing down, this will change the angle of the object. continue digging for at least 5 yards away from the object to create a path (trench) in the direction you want to pull the object. Next, soak the ground around the object and the path you made with water, lots of it, when the ground is nice and saturated with water and the mud is super soft, throw your chainnet around the capsul and begin pulling with the trucks. Start pulling slo, hitting the gas will only lead to loss of traction and maybe loss of another bumper. Once the thing is moving in the trench you should be able to pull it where you want it to go. You may need to continualy soak the ground in fron of it. Be prepared for a hefty water bill and good luck
 
Once upon a time there was a great big TROLL.

But rather than get people mad, he would just write wild stuff to get people to write inane comments.

Funny stuff man.

The obvious solution is to dig a tunnel from your house to there and then just dig out the last few feet underneath the object and let it roll into your basement!

Or 2, dig a deep hole next to it, roll it in, by the land, then you don't have to move it at all! Just sit tight an wait to see if it blows up the whole freaking earth!

Good stuff man.

Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
 
Oh, photos, yes, please. Right away.

Preferably with a pretty girl in them, but we can understand why this might be difficult.

Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary

P.S. I meant for security reasons...
 
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