Friday, February 03, 2006
dear fat girl on the plane to charlotte: you owe me $35
you were so, so nice. i'm not taking that away from you. you asked me about my book and where i was going, and i replied though i am ashamed to say i could not look you in the eye because i was so CRAZY PISSED.
a typical plane seat in economy class is approximately 17 inches. breaking down my 9.2-hour roundtrip journey, i paid approximately $127 for those 17 inches. by my most modest calculations, you owe me $27.70 for the four inches of comfort and privacy you robbed me of. let's round that figure up to $30 for that spot where your massive thigh was rubbing against me the whole 2.5-hour flight. add another $5 (again modest) for our shared armrest having to be up because you could not fit in the seat when it was down. if i wanted to put my seat back, i had to pretend like it wasn't embarrassing for you (yes, i was concerned about your feelings, too) for me to ask you to lean forward so i could pull out the armrest a little and push in my button. good thing i didn't want to see the in-flight movie.
i by no means hate fat people. i believe in the freedom to do or eat anything you want so long as it does not infringe on my freedom. this is purely a matter of financial injustice.
i'm just saying that if you need two seats, pay for two seats. don't hate on the skinny girl who paid just as much, if not more, for those precious 17 inches of limited plane space.
if you're out there, please mail $34.63 before january 8 or $34.61 after (i'll pay for the stamp--it's only fair).
a typical plane seat in economy class is approximately 17 inches. breaking down my 9.2-hour roundtrip journey, i paid approximately $127 for those 17 inches. by my most modest calculations, you owe me $27.70 for the four inches of comfort and privacy you robbed me of. let's round that figure up to $30 for that spot where your massive thigh was rubbing against me the whole 2.5-hour flight. add another $5 (again modest) for our shared armrest having to be up because you could not fit in the seat when it was down. if i wanted to put my seat back, i had to pretend like it wasn't embarrassing for you (yes, i was concerned about your feelings, too) for me to ask you to lean forward so i could pull out the armrest a little and push in my button. good thing i didn't want to see the in-flight movie.
i by no means hate fat people. i believe in the freedom to do or eat anything you want so long as it does not infringe on my freedom. this is purely a matter of financial injustice.
i'm just saying that if you need two seats, pay for two seats. don't hate on the skinny girl who paid just as much, if not more, for those precious 17 inches of limited plane space.
if you're out there, please mail $34.63 before january 8 or $34.61 after (i'll pay for the stamp--it's only fair).
Comments:
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She should have taken her pants off and plopped down on your face, thereby ridding the world of your whining through an ingenioius use of her cornhole. If you can't deal with people, don't fly, Skeletor.
# posted by 
: 12:35 PM
: 12:35 PM
that shit was so funny. an i may know the woman on your flight. she was later blocking my view of the game at a local sports bar - damn her.
I love "fluffy" women just as much as the last guy, but money is money you piggy meatball.
# posted by : 10:44 PM
: 10:44 PM
I saw an episode of a show called Airline where a customer was re-imbursed when she comlained to Southwest about your exact situation.
# posted by : 11:39 AM
: 11:39 AM
The person that reclined in front of me, thus jamming her seat into my knees for an entire transatlantic trip owes me money, too. I knew I should have gotten her address.
That's really funny, reminds of my my flight with an american couple next to me who were so fat that we had to sit with all the armrests raised, and each time the damn plane banked right, the two would pin me hard against the window. To make it worse, they were both sleeping right through the flight and the old geezer was snoring so hard that we could used him for a train horn !!
I am tired of having neck trouble or some other sore bones because of having to lean over and accommodate big people on a plane. Can't the airlines make 1.5 size seats for the big, and then make the extra large buy 2 seats?
The only reason that fatter people don't think this is funny is because it takes to much of their breath to laugh. I am not fond of fat, but I like it better than smells, I had a guy sit next to me on the plane, he was nice and skinny, but he smelled really bad. I would have traded his skinny ass for your fat lady anyday. Besides, they make great pillows when you fall asleep.
Hey, great blog! I wanna travel with you. I'm not fat, or chatty, don't smell like bagels, and don't mind springing for an extra dollar's worth of arm rest!
Dave
Dave
May I use this as a metaphor. Fat is NOT NORMAL. So, fat-people out there, stop thinking you are! You take too much room, eat a snow cone like its gonna disappear if you don't nail the thing asap. They should have ass-width-ometers, can u imagine getting to check in and the checkin says, sorry sir/ madam you'll need to buy a business class ticket, cos economy only takes normal loads. Oh and the 'its a glandular problem..' thing. The answer: No fat people in a famine. And stop wearing shorts at disney. Freaks. I feel better now, thank you. I had a similar flight recently...
# posted by : 2:14 PM
: 2:14 PM
When will we realize that all this discomfort garbage is the direct result of the airlines deciding that they can treat us all like crap?
Fat, skinny, bad breath, body odor, people with luggage, people with the most minor carry on's.
Why should it be that either of you to had to be incovenienced. You both should sue the airline.
In the 70's you would not have had a problem. The seats were MUCH bigger and were set up for all human forms.
It was when the weeny engineers and accountants of the late 80's and 90's decided to treat us like cattle that all this shoehorn use into narrow torture racks started. Worse! We accepted it!
How dumb were we - or our parents.
But do we do a class action lawsuit against the airlines becuase there is not enough carry on room, not enouge width in the seats, terrible snacks, and no sound protection against the babies in the plane? No we do not.
Why? Because we are cheap and so we want to take it out on someone else. In this case the person next to you. God forbid we should take it out on the airlines because they might jack up the fares 50 cents to pay for it all.
Most times I am a happy guy. But this kind of stupidity makes me really freaking mad.
Just sign me - guy who lost his 19 year old college sweatheart to a flaming ball of Jet Fuel because an accountant decided that their DC-10's did not need as much maintenance as the manufacturer said was ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY for safe operations.
And you are complaining because you got a little cramped. Jesh!
Funny blog, but think. Did you even look to see if there was an empty seat on the plane if you could move to? In that situation I have even gotten myself moved up to FIRST CLASS because of a sympathetic flight attendent.
HA!
Keep on blogging.
Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Here is a link to my incredibly long post of Irish Jokes
The Peter Files Blog's Irish Jokes Post
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Fat, skinny, bad breath, body odor, people with luggage, people with the most minor carry on's.
Why should it be that either of you to had to be incovenienced. You both should sue the airline.
In the 70's you would not have had a problem. The seats were MUCH bigger and were set up for all human forms.
It was when the weeny engineers and accountants of the late 80's and 90's decided to treat us like cattle that all this shoehorn use into narrow torture racks started. Worse! We accepted it!
How dumb were we - or our parents.
But do we do a class action lawsuit against the airlines becuase there is not enough carry on room, not enouge width in the seats, terrible snacks, and no sound protection against the babies in the plane? No we do not.
Why? Because we are cheap and so we want to take it out on someone else. In this case the person next to you. God forbid we should take it out on the airlines because they might jack up the fares 50 cents to pay for it all.
Most times I am a happy guy. But this kind of stupidity makes me really freaking mad.
Just sign me - guy who lost his 19 year old college sweatheart to a flaming ball of Jet Fuel because an accountant decided that their DC-10's did not need as much maintenance as the manufacturer said was ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY for safe operations.
And you are complaining because you got a little cramped. Jesh!
Funny blog, but think. Did you even look to see if there was an empty seat on the plane if you could move to? In that situation I have even gotten myself moved up to FIRST CLASS because of a sympathetic flight attendent.
HA!
Keep on blogging.
Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Here is a link to my incredibly long post of Irish Jokes
The Peter Files Blog's Irish Jokes Post
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