Tuesday, February 07, 2006
A Public Service Annoucement From Your Kidney
Some people are laughing so hard from reading this blog that they are peeing, so this one is for you guys:
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Hi there,
This is your kidney speaking. I know we haven't communicated in awhile, what with you being all busy at work and stuff, but I've been trying to send messages your way that I haven't been feeling too good. I'm glad that somebody finally forced you to go to the doctor to get me all fixed up, because I was thisclose to just giving up and is this the way we really wanted to go anyways? I hope you realize now that people care about you and that if you did die all alone in your apartment, it wouldn't be weeks until someone found your dessicated corpse. (More like days, I'm sure.) Please take care of me, and let me rest for awhile. Sit in bed, watch TV, let your mind rot, not your kidney. Eventually I'll get better and then I'll be back up to the task of filtering out all the crap that you put into your system. Please eat real food, not anything that costs less than a dollar and comes wrapped in a piece of paper. That's dog food, not people food. I have enough problems processing that shit when I'm well, don't make me do it while I am ailing. I realize that you may just think this is the Vicodin speaking, but I really do want you to get better cuz without you, I'm nothing but a bean-shaped piece of organ meat.
Love,
Kidney #1.
(Kidney #2 sends his regards also, and says if you ever fuck him like this, he's going to make it so that you pee like a racehorse for the rest of your miserable life. Luckily, I'm a little more forgiving than him.)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Hi there,
This is your kidney speaking. I know we haven't communicated in awhile, what with you being all busy at work and stuff, but I've been trying to send messages your way that I haven't been feeling too good. I'm glad that somebody finally forced you to go to the doctor to get me all fixed up, because I was thisclose to just giving up and is this the way we really wanted to go anyways? I hope you realize now that people care about you and that if you did die all alone in your apartment, it wouldn't be weeks until someone found your dessicated corpse. (More like days, I'm sure.) Please take care of me, and let me rest for awhile. Sit in bed, watch TV, let your mind rot, not your kidney. Eventually I'll get better and then I'll be back up to the task of filtering out all the crap that you put into your system. Please eat real food, not anything that costs less than a dollar and comes wrapped in a piece of paper. That's dog food, not people food. I have enough problems processing that shit when I'm well, don't make me do it while I am ailing. I realize that you may just think this is the Vicodin speaking, but I really do want you to get better cuz without you, I'm nothing but a bean-shaped piece of organ meat.
Love,
Kidney #1.
(Kidney #2 sends his regards also, and says if you ever fuck him like this, he's going to make it so that you pee like a racehorse for the rest of your miserable life. Luckily, I'm a little more forgiving than him.)
Comments:
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You are so funny,i can think up funny stuff too.Never using body parts..i'll be back for some ideas.
stop by for a visit.
stop by for a visit.
Dear Kidney #1... I wish you would stop refering to yourself as #1, the left kidney is getting more and more upset with your superior attitude. Anyway, GET BACK TO WORK! there isn't any reason for the left kidney to do it all anymore, you sorry hypocondriac!
I've spent more money on CT scans and MRIs than Bush is spending on Iraq, and I have to tell you, you lazy slacker, that there is nothing wrong but a couple tumors... and you can CERTAINLY work around that... the LEFT kidney does...
Now you may try to scare me with all that talk about dying alone in my appartment, but (HAHA) I have the answer to THAT... I'd NEVER last in my apartmend dead for more than 24 hours, because, oh-one-who-thought-he-was-a-brain-instead-of-a-piss-filter, the cat starts howling to be fed at 5:30 am, and if I'm not concious to do it, the landlord would be in my door with the cops in a FLASH.
So DO save all your taunting threats, because if you DON'T get back to work you're OUTTA HERE... and into the hospital incinerator... how do you like THEM apples? Huh?
I've spent more money on CT scans and MRIs than Bush is spending on Iraq, and I have to tell you, you lazy slacker, that there is nothing wrong but a couple tumors... and you can CERTAINLY work around that... the LEFT kidney does...
Now you may try to scare me with all that talk about dying alone in my appartment, but (HAHA) I have the answer to THAT... I'd NEVER last in my apartmend dead for more than 24 hours, because, oh-one-who-thought-he-was-a-brain-instead-of-a-piss-filter, the cat starts howling to be fed at 5:30 am, and if I'm not concious to do it, the landlord would be in my door with the cops in a FLASH.
So DO save all your taunting threats, because if you DON'T get back to work you're OUTTA HERE... and into the hospital incinerator... how do you like THEM apples? Huh?
I would be very afraid of kidney #2. Actually, I think both my kidneys have been trying to get my attention lately...
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